Testimonials
My Experience in Lois Bridges
When I came to Lois Bridges for my asscessment, I really had no idea what I was getting myself into. I had been to so many doctors and specialists in my life and was used to be dismissed by all of them. I expected no less from Lois Bridges. But instead of dismissal I was faced with people who were actually genuinely interested in me and my well being, which was an uncomfortably jarring experience.
When I received my letter of suggested treatment from Lois Bridges I was in a pure state of panic! The suggestion was that I commit myself to 8 weeks of in patient treatment! 8WEEKS!!!! I had thought I would be taking an afternoon or two off of work every week to go and talk to some one about “my feelings” and such. I was wrong. First instinct was to run away from it! Shrug it off, and put on a brave face and carry on regardless! But when I talked to the folks at Lois Bridges they reminded me that I had to do what was good for me, and somewhere in that panic I realised that what was good for me was not what I wanted. Running away wasn’t going to help me, and frankly I was too tired to muster up the energy to put on a brave face and pretend. So I agreed to the 8 weeks, and actually when I was in treatment asked to stay an extra 2 weeks.
Since my time in Lois Bridges things have changed a lot for me. Some changes were pleasant, some unpleasant. Some easy, some difficult. And I am sure there is much more to come. But the thing is, from my experience in Lois Bridges, I got to really know myself , I discovered much about myself and the people around me. My relationships with others have changed a lot, as has my relationship with myself. It’s not an easy road, but it is worth it, and because of what I have learned through Lois Bridges, above all, I have learned that no matter what is thrown at me in life, I can handle it. All this I learned with the help of all the therapists in Lois Bridges.
It is just over a year since I was admitted to Lois Bridges, and while it has not been an easy journey and it’s not over yet, but at least I have made it another year in my life, which is something I am not certain I would of accomplished were it not for Lois Bridges.
( June 2011)
When I first decided to get treatment for my eating disorder, I was 18, unfamiliar with the severity, effects and life crippling possibilities and full-time" commitment" it involved. My struggles led me into every corner of an eating disorder, from restriction and obsession, where I had shrunken my world to suit the strict "food rules", stolen to fuel my food addiction, and my every thought from early morning to late into the night and even my dreams, were tarred with a total preoccupation with food, having, not having, planning to eat or binge and what I would take, to nights of fear in sweats and shakes from over-eating and vomiting, laxative abuse and later drinking and prescription drug abuse, all chasing me and resulting in the same emotions of guilt, shame, vows of never again, or never can I stop, or I will not stop now I’m in control...
When I first decided to get WELL, I was 30, I was so familiar with illness and how it had affected everyone, every aspect, especially me in my life. Every thought and decision was now driven and dictated by this obsession and I no longer was in control (even when I thought I was). After every fruitless treatment in-between, all resulting in relapse, each time from the point I tried to do it my way (which always meant the easy way or having my cake and eating it as I called it). I now believed I was truly the hopeless case that recovery was only for the fearless and even naive. The lowest point was not the ruins I'd been left in through loss of jobs, relationships and friendships, but the day I stopped caring. I had dipped my toe into the water of this illness and got drowned.
I went for Assessment to Lois Bridges after extensive research on the net and investigating every aspect of recovery possible to me in Ireland as far away as the US. Lois Bridges was the only Centre I found myself returning to. It was after this I remember walking outside and crying. I had not cried in so long , it was like a boye thrown to me and allowing me enough air to afford myself the decision to recover my life.
Fear had me still in doubt as to whether I wanted to get well or not and weather it would "pay off". It was overwhelming and I feared letting go or even failing and struggled with thoughts of not wanting to take the help or equally let people down by failing, at this stage I no longer had a relationship with my family and my partner was beat as badly as I.
Recovery started when I began to Hope and began to accept Compassion. It filtered through in gradual forms, from the staff whom I saw genuinely cared that I got well to the encouragement from the others who were suffering from the same effects yet not necessarily the same food history and patterns of abuse of it. I believe in a respectful way, Lois Bridges gave me “the person” enough leeway to feel around in recovery to allow myself settle into its challenges, yet not too much that my disease called the shots.
Today I am over a year in my path to self care. It has been 15 months since I last purged, drank or pilled and I have began to see the importance of gaining weight and looking feminine again. It is not how I had ever imagined or anticipated and life still holds some similar struggles but I am just looking at it with more of an objective view than through a fog of food, alcohol and restriction. I still put the effort I had to day 1, but my struggles and challenges have changed from what I thought to be real like food and weight....to reality.
(July 2011)
I was always lucky I suppose in ways that I never had any issues with my weight or appearance growing up. I was always athletic and into sports and ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted and never gained weight. So when a so-called friend told me about her eating disorder Bulimia and explained that it was a good way of controlling your weight, curiosity got the better of me and I gave it a go. Looking back now, I don’t know why I did it because I was happy with how I looked and who I was as a person. I tried making myself sick a few times but soon came to realize that it didn’t provide me with the desired "feelings" my so-called friend had talked about and so I stopped. But something had triggered inside me even though I didn’t realize it at the time and I became more and more aware of body image, weight, appearance, people’s perceptions of you due to your physicality. I became more aware of what I ate and if I lost or gained weight also. It wasn’t until a few years later that it all began to spin out of control.
Within six months I lost a family member and almost lost two others in this period. My life and families lives had been turned upside down and was out of control. My image of my perfect family had been shattered and I shut down. I didn’t know how I was feeling and when I did, I didn’t know how to explain it to my family or friends. I began to comfort eat and for the first time in my life I noticed that I was gaining weight. And so, the only way I could control this was by making me sick and so it all began.
Ten Years later I entered Lois Bridges, by this time I was so lost I didn’t even know who I was anymore. I wanted to get back to the carefree person I used to be and had tried for many years to do this on my own but had not succeeded. I was also at a stage where I was so sick of being sick that I just felt it was no longer an option for me and I was ready to get help and learn new coping mechanisms to deal with my difficulties. During my time at Lois Bridges I also became aware that I had never dealt fully with the death of my sibling and I came to realize the huge effect it had on not only me but on the rest of my family. I thought I would find it difficult to open up in front of the other in-patients and therapists but once I began sharing "my story" I realized I was not on my own it became such a relief to be able to share my thoughts and feelings with people who I knew understood what I was going through. For the first time in years I felt a sense of belonging as I could identify with the other patients and knowing that they identified with me also.
I remember when I started at Lois Bridges, my mind was so packed with thoughts, constantly swirling around that I always spoke about how I thought - I never knew how to identify with my feelings. I had become so disconnected with my feelings and emotions - I had to, it was easier that way to deal with my hurt. But I never realized that I had numbed my feelings so much and I found it so difficult to firstly reconnect with them and to verbalize how I’m feeling but the biggest change I know I’ve made is that I can actually feel emotions again. It is quite over-whelming at times because it’s like a new experience for me not to block out and feel again and to handle and deal with these feelings. The only emotion that I had felt in years was sadness, which went hand in hand with loneliness, confusion, shame - Lost. I had never felt full happiness, excitement, joy and I am finally feeling these again as opposed to putting on my "happy face", and pretending to the outside world that I was happy.
On entering Lois Bridges I was naive to think that all I needed were a few tools to help me manage my life and when I was given them id be on my merry way and id be "fixed". Obviously I was shocked to learn it was a much longer process than that but I was ready to talk and listen and take whatever help I was given to assist me in my recovery and I am convinced that that made all the difference. There is such a stigma attached to mental health issues including eating disorders that I was worried and apprehensive that I would be seen and treated as "mad". But the people of Lois Bridges were so accepting and non-judgmental; it has thought me to give myself a break and not to judge myself so much. I used to see having my eating disorder as a weakness. Lois Bridges has made me realize the huge difficulties I’ve had to deal with in my life and taught me to realize that I relied on my eating disorder as a coping mechanism/crutch and to have compassion for myself during the times that I needed it. As crazy as it sounds, I feel the disorder has caused me to sit down and look at who I am as a person and what my life is all about. I am much more aware now of who I really am, my wants, my needs and I know I could never have learned about these on my own and I really am so grateful to the people of Lois Bridges for their compassion, help and constant support. I finally feel like I’m getting back to that care-free person I used to be - only now I’m a better person for having experienced what I've experienced and have the knowledge of who I really am. I am present in my own life again and finally have the coping mechanisms to deal with the difficulties life throws at me. I am a much more honest person, not only with myself, but with others also. I have found my voice. I used to just exist, Now I Live. Thank You, To the People of Lois Bridges.
(July 2011)
I am a 50 year old woman and only in the last 11 years admitted to husband and family that I had been sexually abused for 2 years within my own childhood home by a non-relation visitor when I was 5 and 6 years old. I had totally wiped out these experiences since then and dealt with them the only way I knew how at the time. I ate food in abundance which over the years developed into a Binge Eating Disorder. One day in desperation I looked up the internet to look for help locally here in Dublin and physically cried when I came across the Lois Bridges web site. Just by reading it I knew they understood exactly how I felt. I attended there as an outpatient on a weekly basis for 1 hour sessions and I have hardly any words to describe the phenomenal care, attention and incredible help I received. I needed help urgently and they knew exactly how to help me to face up to my past. They quite litterly only went at a pace I wanted to go at and minded me all the way practically taking me by the hand. I felt so secure and felt I could trust them implicitly. They were so understanding and gentle in their approach
Hearing my every word. Each week I left there - I left with total reassurance that I would be ok and that I had made progress that day. I always came away feeling stronger in myself. So strong that I was able to face up what happened to me and then accept it. But more so they gave me help that was so profound that all I wanted to do was move on and was now ready to enjoy life with my husband and 2 teenage children. Lois Bridges not only changed my life in ways that I cannot describe but that of my family. Lois Bridges gave me the present of a calming peacefulness and a freedom I had never known all my life accept as a
Dream I thought could never possibly come true. I am now so grounded and connected with myself, my life, my family at home & my colleagues at work. I could never repay them for how they changed my life. I sincerely thank all those involved in Lois Bridges who has helped me so much. I will never forget them for what they've done for me and my family. From Marian (A Butterfly Believer!)